Thursday, December 28, 2017

Hello! I'm back and I'm sorry.

Hi my dear blog. It's been a while -- over a year, to be exact. I never really intended to leave this blog hanging or go into a hiatus but somehow I just did. So what exactly happened? Well, it's simple. Motherhood happened.

My last post was mid-October 2016, which was almost two weeks before I gave birth. I ended up having my beautiful, healthy, baby boy at the end of October (if you're on the Blue Purse social media accounts you probably found out), and my life has been upside down since then. He's now a year old, and he has me and Aleq wrapped around his pudgy finger.

The baby earlier, playing with his dino friend after having lunch.

I am currently typing up this post while he's napping and I'm trying to be as quiet as I can. I don't even know at this point if I'll finish this post but I'm sure going to try.

To be honest, the past year seems like a blur to me. I was a zombie for most of it, and though I'm hoping to come out of it soon, I feel like it will be that way for a little while longer. So where exactly have I been?

  • I've been recovering from a difficult pregnancy and an emergency c-section birth. I'm hoping to one day be able to write the birth story, but my epidural-addled brain isn't having it at the moment. My memory really took a beating and I have difficulty remembering a lot of things these days. My scar still aches a bit sometimes as well, and it's really true that it takes a year or more for your body to recover after CS, because up to now I still don't feel like I did pre-baby. Still, I'm optimistic that I'm coming out of it.
  • I've been adjusting to being a parent with my husband. It's so cliche to say that having a kid changes you, but it's absolutely true. Parenthood feels like you have to adjust and make little to big changes to your lifestyle every single month. The baby changes every week, and you find yourselves constantly trying to keep up. We have also been nanny-less for the most part of this year. We only had one for a month and a half, but the rest of the year, we've had to rely on my mother-in-law for help. We have to be with the baby when my MIL isn't around on weekends, and we rush home to sort of rescue her from baby duty on weekends. Most days, we're walking around in a daze, needing sleep and rest.
  • I've been working. Right before the baby turned six months, I went back to work. I had to quit my previous job at around the middle of my pregnancy due to hyperemesis gravidarum and when I started talking about going back to work a lot of people suggested that I work from home. I seriously considered it but with the baby I didn't think that my line of work went with the mom lifestyle. The baby needs my attention all the time, sometimes 24/7, leaving no space for being a wordsmith. I just can't get into the zone at home. My career priorities have changed too. I took my current job not for the position or the pay but because of proximity to home and company stability. That in itself has been an adjustment as well.

When I'm not working these days, I'm just resting or spending time with my little family. I hardly ever get the chance to check social media in the way that I used to (I don't get the chance to do the endless scroll anymore), and hubby and I are finding that we're always so behind on house work. (Obviously, we're in desperate need of house help, but it's so tough to find people you can trust now.) I'm currently trying to catch up with YouTube, Netflix, and TV. We miss a lot of movies nowadays and I'm trying to figure out a way to read books because I can't read them at home since the baby is in that grabby, destructive stage. We usually fall asleep when the baby turns in for the night because we're simply exhausted. Basically, we really don't have time for anything, so this is why I've been living under a rock all this time. It's now evening as I'm finishing up this post and the baby is in the play pen pleading for me to notice him. I keep getting up to squeeze his squeaky dinos or hand him stuff he dropped. The thing is, the hubby and I wouldn't have it any other way. The little one is worth it.

The thing is, what kept me off this blog aside from all of those things I mentioned is the fact that I've changed. I guess it really is inevitable when you become a parent. You can just wake up one day and find yourself a different a person. I'm not as interested in some of my former obsessions as before since my lifestyle has changed so much. For instance, makeup is something that I still love but doesn't figure much into my daily existence anymore. I try my hardest to put on foundation, do my eyebrows and put some color on my lips on the road to work or wherever, but that's the most I can do. Planning and journaling is something I am hoping I can go back to more regularly, but I have yet to figure out how to do that too. Living in a studio with a baby has made me a lot more minimalist as well. I feel overwhelmed with so much stuff now, and practicing Konmari when I can keeps me sane. (So far, it's been a fail, but it's an ongoing process for us in this household.) That's why The Blue Purse doesn't feel so me anymore. Methinks an overhaul is in order come the new year.

p.s. I know I never posted my last pregnancy updates. I apologize. I'll post it in a bit along with last year's year-end survey that I stole from Livejournal. I actually just found them in my saved posts! It seems I just never got around to publishing them. Later, friends, and thanks to those who have stuck around. I saw that some people checked from time to time on FB and I really appreciate it.

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